Feb 11, 2025
A long marriage can be a blessing. However, if you are unhappy in your marriage, it can also be a curse as you have a lifetime of shared assets — and potentially shared children — and unwinding all of that can be difficult.
You do not have to stay in an unhappy marriage, though. While paying an average cost of $13,000 for a divorce may feel like a financial challenge you can't manage, you do have options — and you should explore them. You don't deserve to be stuck with someone you don't love for the rest of your life.
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Here's what you should do if you are unhappy with your marriage of 25 years but are worried about paying for the costs of a divorce.
Affordable divorce options are out there
The good news is that a divorce does not have to be as expensive as you might think.
An average cost of $13,000 is just that — an average. Now, that average cost can be driven up by complicated divorce litigation where, say, one or both parties ask a court to help them track down hidden assets or resolve a thorny custody battle.
If you and your spouse are able to agree that you want a divorce and agree on the issues raised by your divorce, then you should be able to pursue an uncontested divorce. This can be especially true if your minor children are grown and you don't have custody issues to deal with.
An uncontested divorce can be cheaper and easier. In fact, there are divorce lawyers who will do the paperwork for this kind of divorce for a flat rate that might be less than a few thousand dollars and sometimes for just a few hundred dollars.
Of course, if you and your spouse can't agree on the issues, then you could be looking at higher costs. In this situation, think about whether your spouse will be able to afford the divorce. If they make significantly more money than you do, the court, on your petition, might be willing to order them to pay your attorney fees.
You may also be able to find legal aid clinics or clinics at the local law school where you can get free or lower-cost legal services. There may also be low-cost mediation services available if your spouse is willing to consider using a third party to help come to an agreement.
If you don't want to stay trapped in an unhappy marriage, finding a way out is key.
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Divorce has serious economic consequences
Divorcing after a 25-year marriage may seem daunting, but you are not alone in ending a long union. So-called "gray divorce," or divorce among older couples is becoming increasingly common.
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In fact, according to the Bowling Green State University National Center for Family and Marriage Research, 15.2% of adults aged 65 and over divorced in 2022 compared to 5.2% in 1990. Researchers pointed out that this nearly threefold increase means, today, one in every 10 people who get divorced are 65 or older.
Unfortunately, when you do divorce later, it can have a profound impact on your finances — and this is especially true for wives.
Other research revealed that women experience a 45% decline in their standard of living, measured by comparing income to needs, while men experience a 21% decline after a gray divorce.
This does not mean you shouldn't get divorced, but it does mean you may need to prepare for some lifestyle changes, including potentially delaying retirement until you get back on your feet financially — especially if you struggle just to afford the cost of the divorce. Still, if you are truly unhappy in your marriage, it may be worth getting out.
If your unhappiness is recent, however, you may want to consider the long-term impact of divorce on your finances and explore whether there's a chance your happiness could improve with counseling. If there is a chance you could save the marriage and avoid the hit to your financial stability, it may be worth exploring that opportunity before moving forward.
Only you can know what's right for you. But, if divorce is the answer, don't let finances stand in the way of finding your way to freedom.
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Christy Bieber has 15 years of experience as a personal finance and legal writer. She has written for many publications including Forbes, Kilplinger, CNN, WSJ, Credit Karma, Insurify and more.
