Oct 28, 2024
From midnight diaper changes and years of running on caffeine to those last-minute dashes to buy poster boards and relearning algebra just to help with homework, for decades, parenthood means putting the kids first.
But while you’d drop everything to help them at 4 years old, should the same still hold true at 44?
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That’s the question one frustrated poster brought to Reddit in a since-deleted post. After a chance peek at his father-in-law’s accounts revealed that his in-laws are sitting on a $10 million fortune, he was left outraged. As he explains, he’s in his late 30s and he and his wife live with their two children in an expensive city. They’re saddled with $20,000 in credit card debt and their credit scores have suffered, while his wife’s parents have just let them struggle. Outraged that they haven’t stepped in considering their wealth, he turned to his own dad — only to find his parents were just as well off.
“Here are our own parents sitting on their piles of gold, watching us navigate a new level of economics and shopping for discounts and raising our children in sub par school districts and for WHAT?” the user wrote.
The Redditor insists he’d give his last dollar to make his son more comfortable one day, but where does the buck stop?
A generational divide
Some baby boomer parents might be struck by the millennial poster’s expectations of his parents. But it’s pretty common these days for parents to help their kids even after they’ve left home — in fact, 65% of them say they provide financial help to their adult children.
Part of it is just the sheer expense of living these days. Millions of American families across the country are likewise struggling to balance the competing costs of child care, a mortgage and credit card debt.
But, the poster wonders, if parents can afford it, why wouldn’t they help their kids “as long as they are working.”
One explanation may be where his parent’s wealth comes from. Many baby boomers are sitting on — or rather, living in — their most valuable asset. Whether it would mean selling their home, or cashing out stocks, the poster’s parents may not have access to those funds.
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And while he may argue the funds are likely bound his way sooner or later, the poster doesn’t seem to consider what his parents potentially living for much longer might actually cost.
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A longer life to live
Over the next two decades, baby boomers are projected to transfer more than $90 trillion in wealth. But a new study from Northwestern Mutual reveals that, when it comes to the topic of inheritance, there’s a disconnect between expectations and reality. The study found that 38% of Gen Zers and 32% of millennials expect to inherit money or assets, yet only 22% of boomers and Gen Xers (respectively) anticipate leaving one.
In fact, with Americans living longer than previous generations, their retirement savings now need to stretch further to cover expenses — especially health care. The Fidelity Retiree Health Care Cost Estimate estimates medical expenses will run you $315,000 per couple (or $157,500 after tax per individual) for costs such as co-pays, deductibles, premiums, prescriptions and other health care costs.
So while most parents want to pass down their wealth, the uncertainty of health care costs and longevity makes it hard to be sure that financially supporting adult children won’t threaten the financial security of their last years.
The best gift these parents can offer their adult children is the truth. To avoid your own family misunderstandings, have honest and transparent conversations with your own family about how family wealth will be distributed.
And have these conversations early — instead of waiting for your children to find your financial statements.
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Victoria Vesovski is a Toronto-based staff reporter at Moneywise covering personal finance, lifestyle and trending news. She holds degrees from the University of Toronto and New York University, and her work has appeared on platforms including Yahoo Finance, MSN Money and Apple News.
