Aug 21, 2023
It’s difficult to live below your means, especially if you’re used to a lifestyle that perhaps has put you in debt. But once you make that hard choice to get your finances in order, the sacrifices come: cutting costs, living in a smaller home, not having the most up-to-date car or furnishings.
While that can be taxing on your self-esteem, imagine what happens when family members — or a close one’s relatives — start to weigh in.
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That’s the struggle a woman from Florida named Catherine shared on a recent episode of The Ramsey Show. She told the host that she had been following his baby steps guide to money management for quite some time. As part of the process, she had been driving an older car and moved into a small apartment with a roommate.
But one day when the roommate’s aunt came to visit and commented on how small the residence was, Catherine said she “felt embarrassed” and was ashamed.
“If you are content and this is your decision, you have peace sitting in the decision — and that’s an identity,” Ramsey said. “Everything [sounded] joyful until that aunt showed up.”
Fear of being judged
No matter what kind of home you own or where you live, there are bound to be some feelings of inadequacy. (See: keeping up with the Joneses.) Even if you own a multimillion-dollar home, you could still end up harboring some fear of being judged.
A recent survey commissioned by Slickdeals found that 69% of Americans were embarrassed to have people over to their home merely based on their aesthetic choices. Furthermore, half of respondents stated they had been judged over their decor choices.
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Who gets a vote?
So when random people come into your home with throwaway comments, should you really make financial decisions based on that? Ramsey’s answer to such matters is, “Who gets a vote?”
In other words: When it comes to how you live your life, who in your life, apart from you, gets a say?
A case could be made for your parents or partner, depending on the circumstances. But your roommate’s aunt? The answer in that scenario should be a big fat “no.”
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“If you’re anchored in it and you really believe it, then you wouldn’t be embarrassed,” Ramsey said. “But if they’re actually right when they bring something up and you’re not that anchored in it, then that would throw you off.”
Ramsey added that there’s a reason he can commit himself to his lifestyle so clearly. He’s had the “benefit” of having gone completely and utterly broke. Back in 1988, he declared bankruptcy at age 26 when the bank called in his loans, according to his website Ramsey Solutions.
“Once you’ve gone completely broke, you really don’t care what other people think,” Ramsey said. “Affirmations are nice; I’m like anybody else, I like it. But I don’t have to have that to do anything.”
For people such as Catherine, Ramsey said, the question then becomes, “Why live this lifestyle in the first place?”
She chose to stay within her means as a way to achieve a goal. Being content with the related decisions and anchoring them in your identity should allow her (or anyone) to see beyond someone else’s opinion. Because not anyone simply gets or deserves a vote.
“If your broke friends are making fun of your financial plans, then you’re right on track,” Ramsey said.
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Amy Legate-Wolfe is an experienced personal finance writer and journalist. She has a Bachelor of Arts in History from the University of Toronto, a Freelance Writing Certificate in Journalism from the University of Toronto Schools, and a Master of Arts in Journalism from Western University. Amy has worked for Huffington Post, CTVNews.ca, CBC, Motley Fool Canada, and Financial Post. She is skilled at analyzing trends and creating content for digital and print platforms. In her free time, Amy enjoys reading and watching British dramas on BritBox. She is a mother and dog-mom to a Wheaten Terrier.
