‘Will you open a joint bank account with me?’: Woman popped the money question 3 weeks into dating. Her date laughed — then took her to the bank

It sounds like a conversation most couples would save for much later. But that’s exactly what Janene Lin did to her now husband, Aodhán.

In an essay for The New York Times’ Modern Love column, Lin explained that her unconventional approach to dating had everything to do with the way she’d grown up in a Chinese American family.

So, while most people spend their first few dates wondering whether the other person likes them, Lin had a different concern: Who was going to pay the bill? She views it as a form of generosity by any person on a date — and a classic example of give and take over time.

I’ve got it covered

Lin and Aodhán had been dating for just three weeks when she floated the idea. And given that they were still getting to know each other, his response was understandable.

“I haven’t had a joint bank account since I was 10,” he replied.

It’s a financial milestone most couples reserve for much later. According to a 2024 BMO survey, half of Americans believe getting engaged is the right time to combine finances, while just 16% think couples should do so when their relationship becomes official.

Lin worried she’d scared him off. Instead, Aodhán arranged their next date at Citibank, where they opened a joint Gold checking account, much to the banker’s surprise.

“Money is very intimate,” personal finance expert Ramit Sethi told Moneywise in a previous interview. “Very often you have people who live together but opening up a joint checking account feels like whoa whoa hold on a second.”

Sethi explained that unmarried couples can benefit from a joint account to manage shared expenses, but it’s not something they necessarily need to do. For Lin, the idea wasn’t out of nowhere. Growing up, Lin remembered the chaos that erupted whenever her family went out for dinner and the bill arrived.

“Every adult would perk up like animals sensing an earthquake, turning dinner’s end into a battle royale,” she wrote.

Lin realized these battles weren’t really about money, but about taking care of one another.

Those who could afford to pay would, and those who couldn’t were sometimes allowed to pick up the check to preserve their pride, knowing the favor would be returned in other ways.

The price of generosity

Who should pick up the check has long been a point of debate. According to BMO’s 2026 Real Financial Progress Index, 71% of American men expected to cover the cost of dates early in a relationship, while 52% of women expected to split the bill.

But for Lin, it wasn’t about expecting a man to pay. In fact, despite dating men who earned more than she did, she often found herself picking up the check. One man let her pay for three months straight. She even started suggesting Chipotle, hoping they might finally take the hint.

All that generosity can come at a cost. The same BMO study shared that Americans spend an average of $189 per date, including transportation and getting ready.