Is my mom selfish? She wants to spend her millions before she dies, but my brother and I are broke. Do we deserve an inheritance?

She inherited a home and a substantial amount of money when her own mother died, making her a multi-millionaire, and she was also the beneficiary of a life insurance policy when her husband (Isabella and Lorenzo’s father) passed away five years ago. After her husband died, the mother sold the family home, which had greatly appreciated in value since they bought it 40 years ago.

That’s why Isabella was shocked when, on a recent phone call, her mother told her that she planned to spend every cent she had before she died — leaving nothing in her will to her two children. Her mother said she wanted to enjoy her golden years to the fullest and had crafted a “die with zero” budget that would ensure she spent all her money.

Isabella thinks their mom is being selfish, while Lorenzo is worried she’s being reckless. Should the siblings confront their mother about her retirement plans?

Reasons not to leave your children an inheritance

While the mother said that she was not leaving her children an inheritance because she wanted to enjoy her money while she was alive, there are other reasons parents may not want to leave their children any inheritance.

Some may choose not to leave their adult children an inheritance because they believe it will make them more self-sufficient, encouraging them to maintain a strong work ethic rather than develop an attitude of entitlement.

Some billionaires have famously declared that they won’t leave their substantial fortune to their children.

Laurene Powell Jobs, wife of the late Steve Jobs, intends to pass on her estimated $14.9 billion to charity. Mark Zuckerberg and his wife Priscilla Chan have set up the Chan Zuckerberg Initiative for research and intend to give 99% of their Meta shares away. Warren Buffett and Bill Gates have also famously stated that their children should make their own way in the world, with Gates noting, “leaving kids massive amounts of money is not a favor to them (1).”

Parents may also worry that their adult children will not be able to manage the money they inherit, perhaps even believing their children will squander what they worked so hard to pass on. Concerns about whether an adult child’s spouse will have access to the inheritance, especially if their relationship is not stable, are another reason parents may think twice about leaving an inheritance.

While Isabella and Lorenzo are their mother’s only children, and their mother has not remarried since their father’s death, some parents may choose not to leave inheritances for fear that it might cause family strife. This can include not only infighting among siblings, but also between step-parents and children over who inherits what.

But if you’re considering putting all of your savings towards retirement and leaving nothing for your family, you may want to consider life insurance as a half-measure. That way, your kids won’t be stuck with hefty funeral costs or other end-of-life expenses when you pass on with an empty bank account.

If you’re looking for life insurance, Ethos offers final expense insurance that includes coverage for funeral and burial costs, as well as health care and hospice bills, mortgage and other debts and credit card bills.

With Ethos, you can get coverage in just 10 minutes online or by phone, with guaranteed approval even with pre-existing health conditions. This coverage can be especially beneficial for seniors and those looking to ensure their final expenses are handled without imposing financial strain on their families, and rates can start at just $9.80 per month.

Ethos also gives you the flexibility to select coverage amounts ranging from $2,000 to $100,000, depending on your needs.

Talking about inheritance is key

Isabella and Lorenzo may wish to consider having a conversation with their mother about her plans to spend everything she has. And not necessarily to change her mind, but to clarify her wishes and ensure she’ll be taken care of in her final days.

They could start the conversation by saying they’re concerned about her plans and whether she has factored in the possibility of facing health issues as she ages, potentially even requiring in-home or nursing home care.

According to KFF research, many Americans incorrectly believe that Medicare covers long-term care, when in fact, it covers only some skilled nursing facility care (2). Medicaid, on the other hand, can cover long-term care services, but eligibility requirements vary by state.

Isabella and Lorenzo should make it clear that neither of them are able to pay for their mother’s medical care, and that they would not be able to take time away from work to care for her. Doing so may encourage her to account for medical spending in her long-term plans, if she hasn’t already.

Ultimately, if their mother’s reluctance to offer them an inheritance is rooted in concern that their partners or future partners would attempt to cash in on it, Isabella and Lorenzo could provide assurances that, should they receive any inheritance, they would keep it separate from their marital finances.

Inheritances are tricky subjects that people often avoid, but it’s important to ask questions about them instead of avoiding them outright. Not talking about it makes it difficult for potential heirs to plan for their financial futures, especially when estate plans are kept secret.

Regardless of how the inheritance works out, Isabella and Lorenzo should encourage their mother to speak with a financial expert to make sure she’s got enough money for her plans — whatever those may be.

Hoping for the best and preparing for what’s next

It’s important to ensure that Isabella and Lorenzo’s mother will be taken care of for as long as she is alive. And while an inheritance would be welcome and provide both of them with financial relief, ultimately, it’s their mother’s decision what to do with her money.

However, given their mother’s millionaire status, it’s likely a good idea to work with a firm that understands her unique needs.