Aug 1, 2025
Estate planning is one of the most important financial tasks you will undertake in your lifetime.
However, according to LegalZoom, only 45% of Americans have created the documents required.
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What’s even more concerning is that 60% of those who haven’t yet made a living trust or created any estate planning documents, haven't made any effort to start.
Estate planning is especially critical if there’s a significant age gap between you and your spouse. Since your husband is 21 years older than you, the chances of you outliving him is high. In this case, it's important to establish an estate plan before his health begins to decline.
Since your husband has $3 million in assets and plans to leave it all to you, you might assume that you're set. However, things could become complicated if your spouse also has three grown children who are not financially stable and expect to inherit a portion of his assets as well.
The importance of proper estate planning
In a situation like yours, you need to have a solid plan. If your husband has children from a previous relationship, they may expect an inheritance. If they're not included in his plans and he leaves behind a will, there's a good chance they'll contest it. That could delay the often lengthy probate process, making it even harder for you to inherit your spouse's assets.
According to a 2023 LegalShield survey, 58% of respondents reported experiencing conflict or knowing someone who has, due to a lack of proper estate planning. That's not a situation you want to be in.
The best thing to do in this case is to have an open conversation with everyone in the room — you, your spouse and his three children. Allow your husband to explain his decision and the logic behind it.
It may be that he previously helped support his children financially as adults only to have them blow through that money and fail to take responsibility for their own expenses. Or maybe the children have never leant a hand as adults or really been a part of his life.
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If your husband feels strongly that his children should not inherit any money, then he should be the one to break that news to them, not you. And that news should come from him, rather than his children discovering it during the reading of his will.
At that point, they might accuse you of poisoning him against them or manipulating him to get all of his money, so having a group discussion potentially avoids that unpleasantness (or at least takes the blame off of your shoulders).
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You may need more than just a will
Many people use wills to pass along an inheritance because they're familiar with how they work. However, for a large estate, it may be advantageous to utilize other estate planning tools.
When a will is used to pass down an inheritance, it usually must undergo a process called probate. But probate can not only be time-consuming, but also expensive.
The average cost of probate on a national scale is 4% to 7% of an estate’s value, according to Mazurek Belden & Burke PC. For a $3 million estate, that could mean losing $120,000 to $210,000.
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A better solution, therefore, may be to use a living trust and name you as the beneficiary to pass along $3 million in assets. Living trusts tend to cost more money to set up than writing a will. However, they can cost significantly less to administer, as they do not require probate.
“If you have a Revocable Living Trust that holds assets, anything inside that Trust would not go through probate,” says Trust & Will. “It’s not uncommon to also create what’s known as a ‘Pour-Over Will,’ which is a safeguard to catch any assets you may not put in your Living Trust. The Pour-Over Will automatically transfers assets to the Trust upon your death. Note that in this case, probate would be required.”
Another thing you should consider in this situation is leaving some money for your husband's children, but take steps to ensure they use it for its intended purpose. For example, say you're 44 and your husband is 65, and his three children are in their late 20s and early 30s with kids of their own.
It's understandable that your husband wouldn't want to leave them money that they might waste. However, what he could do is set up trusts for his grandchildren, earmarking money for their education.
Your husband may decide that he's willing to share some of his fortune with his children provided they use the money responsibly. He could work with an attorney to set up a trust that stipulates that the money be used for specific purposes, like paying off debt or purchasing a home.
Sit down with an estate planning attorney and talk through your options. If your husband has specific wishes, an attorney is ultimately the best person to suggest the right tools for carrying them out.
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Maurie Backman has been writing professionally for well over a decade. Since becoming a full-time writer, she's produced thousands of articles on topics ranging from Social Security to investing to real estate.
