Oct 29, 2024
Family drama is normal — but when adult children feel entitled to their parents’ money, it might be time to ask: is it time to cut them off?
That’s the dilemma one 74-year-old business owner is facing. After years of financially supporting his 47-year-old son, whose career was derailed by a DUI nearly 15 years ago, the father gave him a second chance by hiring him.
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However, the son began questioning his father’s spending habits, accusing him of putting business money into his newly purchased home. The son is now withholding a significant amount of money owed to his father — leaving his dad, who is now on a fixed income, feeling betrayed.
The father revealed on Reddit that, “He told me he was only giving me $9,000 of a $36,000 payment I am owed.”
While the father hoped his son would take advantage of the second chance, the son’s growing sense of entitlement has only fueled tensions.
Now, after years of trying to help, the father is left wondering if it’s finally time to cut ties for good.
The cost of family loyalty
Supporting adult children may feel like a natural inclination for parents — with 47% continuing to offer financial help to their kids well into adulthood, according to a survey by Saving.com.
Traci S. Williams, a board-certified clinical psychologist and certified financial therapist, explained to the Washington Post that the key to avoiding financial enabling is open communication.
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“It is best if the family has a conversation to establish house rules, outline family roles and assign financial responsibilities,” she said.
However, the roles and responsibilities in this family seem to be up in the air, as the father shared on Reddit, “[my son] doesn't even do his job and I am always doing the brunt of the work. I have decided to take my business back and all my clients and work on my own. He can figure the rest out himself. I'm tired of his lack of commitment.”
In this instance, supporting his son is not only threatening his financial health, especially at retirement age, but is also causing a serious rift with his other two adult children who feel sidelined by their brother's ongoing drama.
While the financial strain on this family and the business may be significant, the emotional toll on family relationships can be just as costly.
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Creating boundaries
When it comes to adult children, setting boundaries around financial help is important in making sure they don’t automatically expect monetary support.
According to a survey by Savings.com, 58% of parents admit they’ve sacrificed their own financial security for their adult children. However, without boundaries, that support can quickly lead to an unhealthy dependency.
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Carolyn McClanahan, a certified financial planner and founder of Life Planning Partners in Jacksonville, Florida, told CNBC, “You need to create boundaries and figure out a balance.”
In the case of the Reddit user, the lack of boundaries led to significant frustrations. Both he and his wife found themselves continuing to support their son, despite his lack of commitment to the family business.
Other Reddit users chimed in with strong advice, urging the father to take more decisive action. One commenter wrote, “You don't need Reddit, you need a lawyer, like yesterday. The longer you put this off, the worse things are going to get.”
Another added, “It really seems like there are huge, systemic issues in your family and you've mixed your family with business for a long time.”
Without clear expectations, well-intentioned support can easily turn into a cycle of dependency — and can even be the downfall of a family business.
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Victoria Vesovski is a Toronto-based Staff Reporter at Moneywise, where she covers the intersection of personal finance, lifestyle and trending news. She holds an Honours Bachelor of Arts from the University of Toronto, a postgraduate certificate in Publishing from Toronto Metropolitan University and a Master’s degree in American Journalism from New York University’s Arthur L. Carter Journalism Institute. Her work has been featured in publications including Apple News, Yahoo Finance, MSN Money, Her Campus Media and The Click.
