Oct 3, 2024
Riding the high of a diamond ring, most brides-to-be start planning their Pinterest-perfect weddings with great excitement. The venue, the dress, the photographer – but there’s one important question that should be answered first: who’s picking up the tab?
Traditionally, families – often the brides’ – step in to cover wedding costs, but things can get sticky when expectations don’t match the reality. 22-year-old Lily was devastated after learning her uncle on her mother’s side, whom she’s always had a close relationship with, said he would be contributing only $15,000 to her big day. The uncle had always been very generous in the past, paying for her to attend summer camp and even her first car.
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In a viral Reddit post, her uncle said he was blind sided when he was expected to pick up the tab of over $50,000 for an extravagant destination wedding with over 200 guests.
"I never said I’d pay for everything, but apparently my offer was interpreted as me footing the bill for the whole wedding," the uncle wrote on Reddit.
With the big day just three months away, Lily and her mother cut off communication, blaming him for “ruining” the event. The question remains, is it really fair to place that kind of financial burden on the uncle?
Who’s really responsible for paying?
A $15,000 contribution might seem more than generous from an uncle, but for Lily, it wasn’t enough. The uncle, who had always been a source of support throughout Lily’s life, thought he’d made his financial limits clear but the expectations were set much higher.
“Lily said I ‘promised’ to pay for the wedding, and [her mother] backed her up, saying I ‘always supported them’ and this was the least I could do. Apparently, they were expecting I’d cover a $50,000+ wedding. I told them that wasn’t happening. $15,000 was all I could give,” the uncle wrote on reddit.
So who usually spends on weddings?
According to The Knot Real Weddings Study, on average, couples cover 50% of the wedding budget and parents/family contribute the other 50%. A 2022 survey by Zola found that one-third of couples were paying for their wedding entirely without family help.
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“These days, anything goes when it comes to paying for a wedding. Engaged couples taking care of the finances is on the rise,” said Kylie Carlson, the CEO of the International Academy of Wedding & Event Planning, to Vogue. “At the same time, the tradition of the bride’s parents contributing is still very prevalent, especially in particular regions. With some weddings, costs are split between the couples and other members of the family. You’ll also run into scenarios where parents are divorced or remarried, and splitting the costs. Grandparents may chip in — it really does depend on each individual wedding.”
However, in this case, it appeared neither Lily, her fiance, nor her mother had offered to contribute to the total cost. As emotions ran high and finances took center stage, it became clear that family expectations and their relationships would have to be redefined.
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Budgeting for the big day
The Knot said in 2023, the average combined cost of a wedding ceremony and reception reached $35,000 – a 5,000 increase from 2022, likely due to inflation and broader economic conditions.
Budgeting for a wedding is one of the most important steps in the planning process as it sets the foundation for the decisions that follow. Weddings can quickly become expensive and managing those costs early on helps avoid financial stress later.
As Alicia Fritz, the owner of A Day in May Events told Brides, “Building your wedding budget is one of the most important and difficult things to do, but taking the time at the forefront of planning can be one of your greatest aids along the way.”
The uncle mentioned that Lily's entire wedding was booked, just assuming he would eventually come around to covering this extravagant event. He vented, “Emily and Lily are now saying I’m being manipulative, offering to help and then taking it away at the last second, making them look bad in front of the groom’s family."
Whether you’re budgeting on your own or with family contributions, ensuring everyone is aligned on costs can prevent financial strain and unnecessary family drama down the line.
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Victoria Vesovski is a Toronto-based Staff Reporter at Moneywise, where she covers the intersection of personal finance, lifestyle and trending news. She holds an Honours Bachelor of Arts from the University of Toronto, a postgraduate certificate in Publishing from Toronto Metropolitan University and a Master’s degree in American Journalism from New York University’s Arthur L. Carter Journalism Institute. Her work has been featured in publications including Apple News, Yahoo Finance, MSN Money, Her Campus Media and The Click.
