Delaware mom wants her 2 grown kids to be more financially independent — but also put them on her mortgage. Dave Ramsey pushes her to ‘cut them loose’

When Saybah called into The Ramsey Show for advice, Dave Ramsey told her she needs to “cut them loose.” Here’s how he said to do it.

Enabling financial dependence

Saybah thought she was teaching her kids to be financially independent when, in fact, she taught them the opposite. She got divorced when her daughter, the youngest, was four years old, and says she shifted the blame on herself.

So, out of guilt, she “enabled both of them to be totally dependent on me.”

When they were still young, Saybah took out credit cards in her children’s names and built up credit scores on their behalf. When each of her children turned 18, they each had a credit score of 780. (The average credit score in Delaware is 705).

It’s not uncommon for divorced parents to try to assuage their guilt by overcompensating, such as buying their children gifts or showering them with attention — but this typically won’t help them later in life.

Recently, Saybah decided to purchase a home and wanted to put her children’s names on the mortgage — but she couldn’t because of how bad their credit had become.

Ramsey wasn’t surprised they racked up debt. While Saybah thought she was teaching her kids to become financially independent, she instead “taught them the best way to have a quality life is to be throwing this plastic around — and then they threw the plastic around,” he said.

If she wants to stop enabling her kids, “don’t put them on the loan,” Ramsey said, adding that she needs to “cut them loose.”

Cutting your kids loose

She’s not alone in this situation. Half of parents (50%) in the U.S. provide some form of financial support to at least one adult child, according to a report by Savings.com. On average, they’re spending about $1,474 a month in financial support, paying for anything from groceries and cellphone plans to student loans and rent.

Of those who do provide financial support, 63% also provide their adult children with housing. But this puts a financial strain on the parents — 50% of those in the survey said it created stress and demanded lifestyle sacrifices.

That’s not necessarily good for the parents or the kids.

To stop enabling her kids, Ramsey tells Saybah to give them a deadline for moving out — say, in three months or by the end of the year. Otherwise, the pattern will continue. From now until then, her kids can use the time to get a job and find somewhere else to live.