Dec 23, 2024
Let’s face it, dating has changed a lot over the years. Instead of meeting people through friends or chatting at parties, we now swipe left and right in pursuit of a match.
And while dating apps have changed the game, what certain people look for in their suitors may not have changed much at all.
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Take “throning,” for example, a term that’s lately become popular on social media. Throning is a new name for an age-old practice: dating someone who’s “out of your league,” in an attempt to improve your own reputation.
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Beyoncé might refer to it as levelling up, but “dating up,” as it were, has long been a prominent part of romantic life. Throning points to an everlasting human impulse to chase status through partnering, and its emergence as a mid-2020s trend word serves as a useful reminder to clarify questions of wealth and status in our own relationships.
Game of throning
According to the American Association for the Advancement of Science, both men and women tend to pursue partners who are on average 25% more desirable than themselves.
As Bruce Y. Lee M.D. of Psychology Today illustrates in a recent blog post, throning begins in high school, where teenagers tend to seek proximity to popularity. Eventually, those teens grow up to become adults who might continue to seek partners for other clout-chasing reasons.
“Throning can continue well into adulthood, which is one of the reasons why the big persons on campus, the big professional luminaries, and the big celebrities always seem to have people interested in dating them regardless of how they look, act, and treat other people,” Lee writes.
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Pitfalls of throning
For those looking to level up their social status in the dating pool, throning has proven to be successful.
“In the long term, it does work, so long as you are treating everyone with kindness and respect,” Angelika Koch, an author and dating coach, shared with Fortune.
But, of course, there’s the obvious caveat: throning your partner can be a blatant and potentially relationship-killing attempt to take advantage of their wealth and status.
“No one wants to be used just for their money or influence,” Ksenia Droben, CEO of the British matchmaking firm Droben Matchmaking, shared with Fortune. “If you are the kind of person who wants to use other people for a social boost, be honest.”
Protecting yourself from a throning partnership
The throning trend proves that the dating-up phenomenon is an enduring part of life, same as it ever was.
Those in the dating pool who may consider themselves a potential victim of throning would be wise to address questions of wealth and status with their new suitors in the early going. Pyschology Today offers a list of behaviors to look for in your partner that could indicate their true intentions.
A few to keep in mind:
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If your partner regularly inquires about your reputation, your network, or other qualities that could be directly leveraged, that’s an indication about what they value.
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Regularly bragging about you to others or in front of their friends could be a sign of affection, but if they only mention superficial or reputational qualities that could highlight what they’re truly after.
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People seek out in others what they think they’re lacking in themselves, and if they’re obsessed with their own status then they probably care a lot about yours.
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In the end, one of the best measures of a partner is if they stand by in hard times, and those who date for status, by definition, are not likely to stick around when you’re down on your luck.
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William Koblensky Varela is a Staff Reporter at Wise who has worked as a journalist for seven years covering finance, local news, politics, legal issues and the environment.
