My niece just invited me to her Bridgerton-themed wedding — but do I actually have to spend money on a costume or can I wear my regular suit?

As Robbie Hyman, author of The Money Savvy Teen, told Moneywise, the niece here is “asking a lot of her guests,” especially if the invite doesn’t say “No gifts,” as she’s now asking them to buy two things.

So, does Ned have to pick up some Regency-era gear? Etiquette experts have weighed in, and the answer might surprise you.

Check the invite first

Before Ned rushes out to pick up a waistcoat and cravat, there’s a key step to take first.

“Start with the invitation,” Kelly McEwen, founder of the wedding planning platform Married, not Broke, told Moneywise. “If it says ‘Regency attire requested,’ guests should make a reasonable effort to honor that. If it simply says the wedding is Bridgerton-themed, that is generally setting a mood, not issuing a dress code mandate.”

McEwen explained that “a wedding theme typically describes the couple’s day and reflects what the couple chose for their overall styling. It does not automatically mean every guest has to arrive in costume.”

She advised that Ned reach out to Katie if he’s unsure. “A quick and positive text or email may be worthwhile if the dress code sounds especially important or unclear,” McEwen suggested.

Make a good faith effort to dress up

So, what if Katie does want Ned in full 1800s fashion? Unfortunately for Ned, this likely means a trip to the costume store.

“She’s giving us fair warning. We know the rules in advance,” Hyman said. “Just as a potluck dinner means the host expects you to bring a dish, a ‘Bridgerton-themed wedding’ clearly means my niece wants me to show up dressed like it’s 1813.”

And simply ignoring that would be pretty rude. “Dress codes are given for a reason — the couple desiring a certain look or feel for their wedding,” Jo Hayes, a wedding consultant and founder of EtiquetteExpert.Org, told Moneywise. “It’s rather a spoiler if half the guests are dressed to theme and the other half are not.”

Mariah Humbert, an author of wedding etiquette books, including What Do I Do? and The Essential Wedding Planner, agrees. “If you’re invited to an event with a themed dress code, it’s most respectful to the hosts to put effort into their dress code,” she told Moneywise.

Otherwise, if Ned doesn’t dress up, it could affect the experience for others who want to participate.

“Themed weddings are part of the overall guest experience, and attire is often an important element of the couple’s vision,” said Veronica Foster, the president and owner of the Association of Bridal Consultants.

Participating in the fun doesn’t have to mean going bankrupt

There is some good news for Ned. Dressing up doesn’t have to mean going in full Regency regalia.

“Themed weddings should be fun for guests, not financially stressful,” Catherine Geewax, founder of The Weddit, told Moneywise. “The couple invited you because they want you there, not because they want you to spend $200-plus on a costume.”

Geewax suggested a “nod to the theme via an accessory or two” that could be picked up for between $20 and $30. She suggested an ascot, a silk pocket square in a bold or paisley print, a velvet bow tie, or similar decorative touches. “Any of these shows that you leaned into the theme.”

Foster agrees that working with what you have is fine, including Ned’s old suit. “A traditional suit can absolutely work if it’s elevated with a few Regency-inspired details, such as a waistcoat, cravat or ascot, pocket square, decorative brooch, or other elegant accessories,” she said.

If Ned wants to do more, Humbert suggested that renting an outfit could be a more affordable option, although she also said simple accessories are fine as long as Ned tries. “Either way, it’s about the intention you put behind it, so show your niece, in this situation, that you support her and her event.”

If Ned opts out, he needs to let Katie know

While renting or accessorizing seems fairly reasonable, Ned still may not be comfortable with the situation — and that’s OK.

“A wedding invitation sets the tone, but etiquette doesn’t require guests to purchase an expensive costume to attend,” Lisa Mirza Grotts, modern etiquette expert and founder of Golden Rules Gal, told Moneywise. “A classic suit in a complementary color palette can be perfectly appropriate if you don’t own period attire.”