Although Winnie feels she should be grateful for the trip, she can’t help but feel slighted. She’ll spend hours in a cramped seat by herself instead of sharing the experience of traveling with Jenna. She also feels hurt because the cheaper ticket makes her think Jenna doesn’t really value her or prioritize their time together.
Experts say she’s not necessarily wrong to feel this way, but she should be careful not to jump to conclusions. And if she wants the trip to happen, she has to accept the lot she’s been cast.
“If your friend is paying for you to go on vacation, you don’t have the right to have an opinion about how you get there,” said AJ Schneider, a financial coach and founder of Beyond the Green Coaching. “I know that sounds harsh, but it’s about power. Essentially, by taking a vacation from your friend, you’re saying they get to call all the shots. Now, most people who offer to give someone something genuinely want them to enjoy it, but at the end of the day, if someone else is footing the bill, they get the final say in how it’s paid.”
Feeling hurt is natural when you’ve been excluded
Even though Jenna is covering the cost of the trip, it’s perfectly understandable that Winnie would feel excluded by Jenna’s seating choice.
“Hurt feelings are natural in this case, as a trip invitation carries an assumption that the two will share all aspects of the trip,” Dr. Linda Dolin, medical director of The Sylvia Brafman Mental Health Center, told Moneywise.
That same sentiment was echoed by Dr. Shannon Franklin, a licensed psychologist at Element Q Healing. She pointed out that Winnie’s hurt feelings may stem from not being consulted about how the two would fly together.
“The real problem is likely to be that one of the friends did not have a voice in the planning,” she told Moneywise. “Regardless of the price of the tickets, when one person makes all of the arrangements without consulting their friend, it is easy for the other friend to feel as though they were an afterthought.”
Considering the root cause of emotions
Although Winnie’s feelings are understandable, that doesn’t mean she should give in to them, confront Jenna or let the issue spoil the trip.
“Feelings aren’t right or wrong. They’re information,” Mary McLaughlin, an LCSW and psychotherapist, told Moneywise. “You may initially feel offended, hurt, or disappointed that your friend booked a first-class ticket while you’re sitting in economy. We can’t stop feelings from coming up, but we can choose what we do with them.”
