In some cases, you may feel justified in canceling at the last minute, especially if you aren’t feeling well. But when you do, you risk not only disappointing your friend, but also costing them financially if they were counting on you to cover part of the event’s expenses.
Say, for example, that Greta and several friends had dinner plans at a restaurant with a fancy tasting menu and a strict no-cancellation policy. Unfortunately, Greta has to cancel at the last minute because she develops the stomach flu. Since the reservations are non-refundable, Greta’s friends ask her to pay $185 cash, or the cost of her plate.
Greta, however, isn’t convinced that she should have to pay anything at all, since getting sick was out of her control. However, experts have a clear opinion that doesn’t favor Greta’s position.
Greta must cover the costs her friends now have to pay
Moneywise reached out to multiple etiquette experts, many of whom agreed that Greta should pay for her unused dinner since she left her friends in the lurch, even if it wasn’t intentional.
“If you bail on someone at the last minute and you’ve caused them financial harm because of it, it sure is nice to offer to cover the cost. And it sure is nice to offer without having to be asked. It’s on the person who caused the harm to take the initiative to repair things. The host in this situation shouldn’t even have to ask,” Nick Leighton, co-host of “Were You Raised By Wolves?” told Moneywise.
Lisa Mirza Grotts, a national etiquette expert and founder of Golden Rules Gal™, agrees, telling Moneywise, “if the $185 was prepaid and nonrefundable, the guest should pay. If it was an ordinary dinner reservation, asking a sick friend to pay for a meal they didn’t eat is unreasonable.”
Finally, David Jubé, founder of The Gourmet Host, also suggested that Greta “pay it fast and pay it without negotiating. Sending $185 the same day with a short apology costs you the money once. Haggling over it costs you the money and the friendship.”
He believes Greta should pay because “being sick excuses your absence; it does not un-spend the money.”
There is some dissent, though. “The short answer here is no,” Jennifer M. Porter, a manners pro in Seattle who teaches kids, adults and corporate clients, told Moneywise. “Friendship relies on trust. If a guest is sick, there is no denying that ‘excuse’ and it should not be held against a guest.”
