People Share The “Red Flag” Moments That Instantly Ended Their Relationship

She was always checking my phone if I left it lying around. I’d wake up from a nap and she would be looking through my phone. I gave her the passcode because I had nothing to hide.

When I finally had enough I asked her to show me her phone, she refused and guarded it like Fort Knox

| PurgatoryMountain

Instead of apologizing after being caught lying he met another girl on the internet to “show me” how easy it was to get another woman to talk to him if I wouldn’t. But he still expected to work things out …

| MeanWorldliness749

When I moved for work and felt my mental health returning. I thought I was happier because I moved to a city I wanted to be in, but instead, I discovered that each time [my ex] visited I wasn't happy about it. I had a pretty big breakdown after she broke up with me but after that ... the world seemed brighter, probably due to the lack of gaslighting!

| Duwinayo

Probably when I told them I needed them to come to couples therapy with me because I was tired of having the same arguments and I was miserable because of these issues we were having, their response was to look me dead in the face and say "I don't want to go, because they'll just tell me I'm wrong and I don't want to have to change."

Hit me then that they didn't care if I wasn't happy. Just that they were. Hard to misinterpret when they say it to you.

| Grcnadier

He was a little older than me and well-known around the city (a DJ) and he loved taking me and my friends and coworkers out and entertaining us. It was a good time and I'm the type of person that likes to include people in things they might not have a chance to do again. It was a blast.

Then he started taking them out when I wasn't around and entertaining them at our place.

He later referred to me as "the greatest unintentional wingman" he ever met in front of people I knew. Luckily at least one of my coworkers was a decent person and clued me in.

| StayCee35

She suddenly started an expensive new hobby, cyclocross, then got mad at me for showing up to her meet or race or whatever it was to support her. She was not happy about having to introduce me to this whole new group of like 10 friends, her cyclocross “team” that she was suddenly on and had a uniform for and everything.

A couple of weeks later we break up, immediately she moves out. I happened to be driving by her new place one morning (I didn’t even know where it was but we still lived in the same city) and I recognized her dog. Lo, and behold, the guy with her out front first thing in the morning is wearing the silly cyclocross uniform. I suspect she had begun the relationship before breaking up with me but didn’t bother to confirm.

| Holzter

We broke up 2 weeks ago. She used her religion as an excuse to get out of things she didn’t like and ignored her religion when it came to things she likes. Told me I couldn’t do Elf on the Shelf with my daughter (Yeah. It’s dumb) because it’s a satanic ritual but she drinks like a fish, has multiple cosmetic surgeries/body modification, monthly Botox, and so on. I don’t care if someone is religious, just be consistent.

| admire816

Controlling behavior!

That I should wear covered clothes so men wouldn’t look at me. It was a very hot summer and I already would wear long skirts to my ankles and tops without cleavage.

One time we were eating at a cafe and some drunk dude who was sitting behind me started to talk to me. I didn’t even turn to him or acknowledge him, just kept eating. My ex started to fight with him and then took me by my arm to leave. On our walk back home he was screaming at me how this was all my fault. After 3 years that was my breaking point and I left.

| El-Pimpie

Every one of her flaws was someone else's fault and she refused to take responsibility for anything.

• She hated doing any sort of housework. We were renting a single bedroom that we shared. She refused to clean up any clothing or do laundry unless I asked her to multiple times, so I usually had to do it. According to her, she had an aversion to housework because her "abusive father" would force her mother and her to do housework. *She wouldn't do dishes despite dirtying them. She sought to remedy this by buying disposable plates and bowls, but then allowed the trash to overflow unless I took it out. Did I mention I was the only one of the two of us with a job? As with housework, doing dishes was something her father made her do as a teenager. *She wouldn't eat healthily despite being overweight. I'm going to sound like a broken record here, but apparently, that was her father's fault, too. Though she also blamed her grandmother for her bad diet because she used to buy her and her sister McDonald's.

Eventually, I just told her I was done. She was 24 years old, and every single one of her childish, immature behaviors was always someone else's fault, usually her parents. Whenever I would suggest she try to fix those flaws, she'd accuse me of taking advantage of her trauma.

| CupcakeValkyrie

I was taking two summer courses in a summer half semester. Physics I and Calculus II in 6 weeks. Classes were 4 hours a day each and the first midterm was two weeks in. I got up at 0700-hour ride to school by 0900 lunch at 1300, had second class at 1400 homework in school with a study group from 1800-2200, had a train ride back, and was in bed as soon as possible, usually at midnight.

She’d seen the amount of work because one weekend she came over to just hang out while I did homework and studied. Still managed to be super jealous and accuse me of seeing girls on the side. I remember coming home one day and spending an hour I didn’t have to walk around the apartment being interrogated.

At some point, I paused and kinda asked “You know my schedule. You saw it. When exactly do you think I’m cheating on you? On the train in between cars?” To which she replied, “Well l, I wouldn’t put it past you.” Mind you, we’d known each other a month or so and weren’t even officially dating. That was the “screw this I’m out” moment and I pulled the cord.

| MrFunktasticc

I was a cook at Hooters and had just started dating this girl (from outside work, not a co-worker). After a week, she randomly came in and sat at a table until I got off. I wasn’t expecting her, she didn’t tell me she was coming, I thought it was a nice surprise.

I went home with her after work. The next day she drops me off, and less than an hour later she comes in and sits at a table. She only orders water and starts reading a book. Her waitress comes up and asks if that’s my new girlfriend and I confirm, and she’s like “Is she just going to sit at my table all night and not order anything?” I’m like I don’t know, I’ll talk to her.

So she’s like yeah well I don’t have anything else to do so I figured I’d just hang out here. By the way, what was she talking to you about? I explain to her that this is my job, and if she’s going to come and hang out she’s gotta take care of her waitress, it’s not like a free hangout spot while I’m working.

She didn’t quite understand and I’m like whatever I gotta get back to work. She precedes to do this every shift I work for the rest of the week, and the girls are complaining to me like why is she here every single time you work? The manager eventually questions it too, it’s a business and she’s not ordering anything.

So one night later that week she just comes up to me by the kitchen and says “I’m gonna go wait in my car until you’re off” I tell her some fun stuff to go check out around the area (she lived an hour North of me) and make the best of her time and she has no interest. She just wanted to keep an eye on me. Eventually, I persuade her to go home and she gets upset. I was getting kind of irritated but quickly realized she was a stage 5 clinger. I went home by myself that night, my phone was on silent cause I wanted some rest, woke up the next morning to ONE HUNDRED AND SEVENTY THREE (173) text messages from her. I simply replied “I don’t think this is going to work out” and got 50+ text messages back which I didn’t even bother reading till a week later.

| TDobbs52

This is the same guy who bragged to our mutual friend about having 2 girlfriends with the same name so he “wouldn’t get confused.”

Recently, I ran into this guy at a club and he eyeballed me up and down and said “I see you got a lot of tattoos” then tried to square up with my 6’ 300 lb husband. I had chills for hours, just feeling gross once again.

| Zornamental

I once dated a guy who one month into the relationship started talking about engagement rings and when I said he was getting ahead of himself he got angry. Two months in I canceled a date with him because I had a migraine and he sat outside my apartment all night to make sure I wasn't going anywhere.

| Zoo_In_The_Bathtub

We had been going out for less than three weeks, and he friended my mother on Facebook. He began messaging her during the day (she works, he was unemployed) and then asking her for phone calls to “start a relationship with her.”

He did not tell me about this or run it by me. My mother is very nice and can talk to anyone, so she was fine with it, if slightly surprised. Then she found out I wasn’t aware. We both saw the red flag then.

| anna1781

He became a conspiracy theorist. Started harmlessly enough. Although I ignored a few minor red flags (if there is such a thing) as I thought it was a phase and would pass.

But we went to a dinner for a friend’s birthday and met a guy there whose uncle had died in 9/11 and good god. The things he spewed at this guy for thinking his uncle was dead. Crap about crisis actors, “jet fuel can’t melt steel beams” blah blah blah. Told him his uncle was paid by the government and likely living on an island somewhere. It was mortifying. I couldn’t stop apologizing for his behavior.

Left him the next day. The next day also happened to be Valentine’s Day btw.

| jolhar

1. She talked about marriage around 2 months into the relationship.
2. Couldn't go out with my church leader (who is also my housemate) or even bring my little sister out to spend time for supper.
3. All night activities with friends had to be canceled and I was asked to go home, get on the phone and talk to her even though she worked night shifts in a hotel.
4. She would text me at 3 am when I'm halfway sleeping cause she was bored at work. If I didn't reply, I'd get an angry text in the morning.
5. She would constantly text me at work and want me to call her during my lunch breaks.

There was one time she got extremely mad when I couldn't reply to her texts because I had an important meeting with the fire department at one of the projects I was working on.

| 3m4n-92

We were in our early 20s and every so often he would try to disappoint me on purpose - such as saying he was on his way over to pick me up for a date, but then not showing. I asked him what was going on and he said that it was ‘unnatural’ for someone my age to ‘have never experienced anything bad or disappointing in life’ so he was trying to ‘teach me that lesson.’

| coolstoryhans3l

He was extremely jealous and constantly accused me of cheating on him. Of course that was only because he was cheating on me and he was trying to deflect all suspicion. He also spent my money like it was his own, and was an incredibly whiny momma's boy.

I was very young and very insecure when we were together. Today I would give a man like that not the slightest chance.

| Anonymous

While driving her back to her place one day, on the way she suddenly said “We should take a break” and gave me no reasons despite my asking/begging for an explanation at least.

She was pretty adamant. Finally, I saw this going nowhere and said “Let’s take a few days to think about things”, and then she suddenly yelled at me: “If this is how you feel we might as well just break up.”

This was the red flag moment. I also heard something snap in my head the moment she yelled, so I pulled over on the side of the road (we were already pretty close to her place), and told her: “Alright, it’s over. Get out.”

Her facial expression was in disbelief and tried to explain that it was all just a test to see how strong my love for her was. When she finally exited and stood in front of my car, betting that I wouldn’t just run her over, I put my gear in reverse and slammed the gas, made the fastest 180 turn I’ve ever done in my life, and drove off.

She called numerous times after I kicked her out of my car (she even got her mom to try convincing me to take her back), I pulled my home phone line off for a few days and also changed my cell phone number. I even saw her car roaming around my house, but I never met her face-to-face again, since I was out most of the time. Luckily, she stopped after about a month

| onehitko1122

Constant gaslighting … like hiding my keys and wallet so I would lose my shit in the AM trying to be on time for work, only for her to "miraculously" find them. I caught her when I tied a 30lb strength fishing line to my keys to a 50lb dumbbell before going to bed. After that, I slowly opened new bank accounts and transferred everything I had out of anything she could have access to.

| murse79

While standing in the checkout line, my ex said he told the elderly man that he left his headlights on. The elderly man began panicking and walked out of the store to check on his car, forgetting that he didn’t pay for his beer. My ex tipped off security and they escorted the elderly man back in, thinking he was shoplifting. According to my ex, the elderly man didn’t even drive there; he had taken the bus.

I wasn’t with him when this happened, but just seeing the gleam in my ex’s eyes and his uncontrollable laughter when he reenacted security hauling away the elderly man was beyond disturbing.

| SuperShineeCoinToss7

I had 3 shoeboxes of "I'm sorry" cards for every time she would get mad at me for trivial things. Like going with friends for guys' weekend, not wanting to eat where she wanted, not calling her every night before bed, and liking dogs more than cats. That was after 6 months of dating.

| blinkhic

My husband diagnosed me with a personality disorder - he is in no way medically trained. He said that one of the situations which helped him come to this conclusion was how he reacted at my grandad's wake. I was "too sad.” I also left the wake early because I wanted the day to be over and as I was the only person to do so, he concluded that I have no control of my emotions.

| kamikaze_snail

I think the worst one for me was after spending the night together I had plans to go see my friend and her family the next day since I had just moved closer to them and hadn't seen them in almost a year.

My friend is married and has 2 young kids, I spent all day at their house playing with the kids and hanging with my friend and her husband booked dinner yada yada, now I hadn't been paying attention to my phone as I was enjoying the company and when I got in my car to go home I liked and had 23 texts from her and 4 missed calls I ended it right there.

| ChicagoChubbs

He said he didn’t wanna be with me, and justified it by texting these words “What if I find someone better?”

Broke my heart but made me realize after a while that he was an obnoxious narcissist, and also a pathological liar. Now I’m in a healthy relationship, so maybe I should thank him for waving his red flag.

|Moonpyes