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My money-minded predictions are whimsically woven from underground finance club gossip, futuristic AI forecasts, visions seen in between naps, and the twitches of my psychic pets network.

Let’s prepare to navigate the cosmic currents of your fiscal future this week, shall we?

Aries (March 21 - April 19)

Get ready, Aries. This week, you'll finally tackle that budget. It's like doing your own stunts, but with numbers. Spoiler alert: You'll feel heroic after saving on coffee by actually using your kitchen.

Taurus (April 20 - May 20)

Hey Taurus, your love for stability means you'll avoid any shopping sprees. Instead, you'll find excitement in organizing your coupons. Think of it as a treasure hunt, but for discounts.

Gemini (May 21 - June 20)

Gemini, you'll be balancing your checkbook with the grace of a circus juggler. One slip and it's all funny money. Don't worry, your other half will catch it... hopefully.

Cancer (June 21 - July 22)

Cancer, this week is all about home comforts. You might even find some spare change in the laundry. Consider it your washer's way of saying, "Thanks for the clean clothes!"

Leo (July 23 - August 22)

Leos, you're in the spotlight when you find a forgotten gift card. It's like winning an award, but instead of an acceptance speech, you get a free latte.

Virgo (August 23 - September 22)

Virgo, your detail-oriented nature means you'll spot a billing error nobody else could. It's like finding Waldo, if Waldo owed you five bucks.

Libra (September 23 - October 22)

Libra, balance is your thing, but your budget might tip a bit when you splurge on that fancy pen. Don't worry, your finances will swing back like a pendulum — just maybe not with that pen.

Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)

Scorpios, you'll be as mysterious as your finances this week. But remember, hiding from your bank statement doesn't make it disappear. It's not a magic trick.

Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)

Adventurous Sagittarius, you'll find yourself searching for financial wisdom. Spoiler: It's not at the bottom of a cereal box, but keep looking, you're getting warmer.

Capricorn (December 22 - January 19)

Capricorn, you'll feel like the CEO of Savings this week. Just remember, your staff meetings are with your piggy bank, and your office is your kitchen table.

Aquarius (January 20 - February 18)

Aquarius, your innovative spirit will lead you to rethink your spending. Instead of buying new, you'll be upcycling like a DIY champ. Watch out, Pinterest.

Pisces (February 19 - March 20)

Pisces, this week you'll have a financial epiphany while daydreaming. It might be as groundbreaking as inventing a coin-operated dreamcatcher. Or, you know, setting up a savings account.

Madame Villamere’s Financial Astrology Disclaimer: For entertainment purposes only — your wallet's destiny is in your hands, not the stars! Invest with joy and a grain of cosmic salt.

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JC Villamere Digital Editor

As a two-time National Magazine Award winner, Villamere has made her mark in the media industry, formerly serving as a senior editor at Canadian Living. Her work spans a variety of publications, including The Globe and Mail, The Toronto Star, Canadian Living, Style at Home, Elle Canada, Flare, and ET Canada. Vulture hailed her debut book “Is Canada Even Real: How a Nation Built on Hobos, Beavers, Weirdos, and Hip Hop Convinced the World to Beliebe,” as one of the best comedy books of the year.


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