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My money-minded predictions are whimsically woven from underground finance club gossip, futuristic AI forecasts, visions seen in between naps, and the twitches of my psychic pets network.

Let’s prepare to navigate the cosmic currents of your fiscal future this week, shall we?

Aries (March 21 - April 19)

Aries, this week, your financial mojo is as fierce as a kitten in a shark costume. Don't be afraid to pounce on those money-saving opportunities, just like a feline on a laser pointer. Meow, that's what I'm talking about!

Taurus (April 20 - May 20)

Taurus, you've got the financial patience of a saint, but remember, even saints need to check their bank statements. Keep an eye on your accounts and make sure those numbers are behaving themselves.

Gemini (May 21 - June 20)

You Geminis are the life of the financial party, but don't let your spending get as wild as a night out with your kookiest pals. Keep those financial impulses in check and save for a rainy day.

Cancer (June 21 - July 22)

Cancer, your intuition is sharper than a paper cut, but don't let it lead you down a dark alley of overspending. Trust your gut when it says, "Maybe you don't need that seventh pair of fuzzy socks."

Leo (July 23 - August 22)

Leos, you love the spotlight, and your finances are no exception. This week, shine that financial spotlight on your goals and make a plan to achieve them. You'll have your money dancing like it's on Broadway!

Virgo (August 23 - September 22)

Your attention to detail is legendary, Virgo, and it's time to put it to good use. Check those financial statements like you're proofreading a script. A little scrutiny can go a long way in avoiding financial plot twists.

Read more: Thanks to Jeff Bezos, you can now cash in on prime real estate — without the headache of being a landlord. Here's how

Libra (September 23 - October 22)

You're all about balance, Libra, but don't get too caught up in making everything symmetrical. Sometimes, financial decisions are more like jazz – a little improvisation can create a sweet financial melody.

Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)

Scorpio, your determination is unmatched, but don't be too secretive with your financial goals. Share them with a trusted financial partner or friend. They might have some wisdom to share, and you'll avoid turning your finances into a mystery novel.

Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)

You're the adventurer of the zodiac, Sagittarius! But this week, put a leash on those spontaneous purchases. Remember, the real adventure is in building a financial future that lets you travel the world!

Capricorn (December 22 - January 19)

Capricorn, your practicality is your superpower. Stick to your financial goals like glue. Don't let shiny distractions divert you, unless those distractions involve adorable animal videos – those are always worth it.

Aquarius (January 20 - February 18)

Aquarius, you're the visionary, but don't just dream about your financial future – make it happen! Set some concrete goals and start taking steps toward them. Your wallet will thank you, and so will your imagination.

Pisces (February 19 - March 20)

Pisces, your empathy and intuition are your secret weapons. Use them to make financial decisions that align with your values. Remember, it's not just about making money; it's about making a difference.

Madame Villamere’s Financial Astrology Disclaimer: For entertainment purposes only — your wallet's destiny is in your hands, not the stars! Invest with joy and a grain of cosmic salt.

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JC Villamere Digital Editor

As a two-time National Magazine Award winner, Villamere has made her mark in the media industry, formerly serving as a senior editor at Canadian Living. Her work spans a variety of publications, including The Globe and Mail, The Toronto Star, Canadian Living, Style at Home, Elle Canada, Flare, and ET Canada. Vulture hailed her debut book “Is Canada Even Real: How a Nation Built on Hobos, Beavers, Weirdos, and Hip Hop Convinced the World to Beliebe,” as one of the best comedy books of the year.


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