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Years ago I tore the wrapping off a gift and found a "USB Toaster." The box promised "fresh on-the-go toast!" from any laptop's USB port --- in just 30 minutes.

Seriously? I thought. Well, no. It was all a gag: My better half had put a real gift inside a fake gift box sold by those jokesters at The Onion. The two of us ended up roaring over my initial befuddlement and the ridiculousness. "A USB toaster! What a riot!"

But now, the laugh's on us. Many actual "smart," convenient products on the market today seem just as silly --- including a couple of toasters. Here's a look at eight innovative items you never thought you'd need (because you don't).

1. A smart hairbrush

The Kerastase Hair Coach smart hairbrush
Kerastase
The Kerastase Hair Coach smart hairbrush works with an app on your smartphone.

Along with your other sins, it turns out that you've been brushing your hair all wrong. Thankfully, the Kerastase Hair Coach is on the way, a brush that will team up with your smartphone to put you on a path toward better hair hygiene.

This hairbrush — dubbed one of the worst tech products of 2017 by multiple reviewers — will be priced at $200 and uses a microphone and conductivity sensors (I am not making this up) to give your hair a quality score and get all judgy about your brushing technique.

Warning: Putting yourself under that kind of pressure might give you split ends.

NEXT: A very demanding mirror.

Continue reading on the next page.