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What makes Black Friday so bonkers? It's the extreme shoppers who have turned the annual after-Thanksgiving bargain blitz into a punishing contact sport.
Retail workers with front-row seats for the craziness have taken to Reddit to share their memories of the very nuttiest Black Friday deal hunters.
This hall of fame (or shame) may make you decide to stay home this year. But if you do brave the mall, be sure to take along a cash-back credit card, to make your shopping more rewarding.
They thought it was Black Fry-day
I worked in a Best Buy for a few years. The one that definitely takes the cake was the time my general manager had to call the police and fire departments when a family became irate when he told them they couldn't deep-fry their Thanksgiving turkey in the parking lot.
They started threatening to torch cars and burn the store down.
She just didn't get it
I've worked for Best Buy for three and a half years now. One year I go in at 6 p.m. on Thanksgiving to prep for our midnight opening.
We hand out tickets at 9 for the doorbusters. A few of the people at the front of the line aren't there to keep the product, just sell it for profit. One lady sells her ticket to someone closer to the middle who didn't get one.
The "buyer" gives her $200 cash. When she gets inside to pick up her TV that was on sale for $200 she insists she paid for the TV already. She couldn't comprehend the fact that she bought a ticket from another customer, not a TV.
We spent about an hour with her before she left mad without her TV and $200 less in her pocket.
The woman who wasn't 'in the zone'
I used to work at Best Buy in college a few years ago. They had zones [that] us blue shirts couldn't move from. So I got zoned for Wii systems and games, not so bad.
One lady comes running up and asks if we have Christmas-themed baby music on CD. I say there is no way we have that, but I can't help since I'm zoned for gaming. She storms off like I had just become Scrooge to her Black Friday.
Probably two hours later she comes back pushing a CD [in] my face like she had bested me. All I said was congratulations for taking two hours to find it.
He didn't know what they say about karma
I had a rude/obnoxious customer refuse to leave the store after we closed (we were re-opening an hour later for a sale event), so I told him "OK" and just let him be.
Once we reopened I told him that he had to get at the end of the line before he would be allowed to purchase anything.
They tangled over a toaster
I was in a Walmart a couple of years ago when a guy got in a fight with a woman over a toaster. It got really heated and the woman took out a switchblade/pocketknife.
She started swinging all over the place trying to scare others away and she ended up slicing the guy down his arm. The guy sprinted to the front of the store, and the woman grabbed her toaster and sat down across the aisle.
An employee came by a few minutes later and mopped up the blood. She got the toaster.
Granny went gangsta
I worked at RadioShack for a year in college. During Black Friday, one of the sale items was a $10 calculator marked down to $5. Two sweet, elderly women came into the store looking for them.
When I told them there was only one left in the display, it was ON. It turned in to a geriatric version of roller derby without the skates.
I always imagined some little kid opening presents on Christmas morning and getting this stupid $5 calculator, not really wanting it and having no clue about the back story behind it, as his grandma, sipping her tea, looks on with a triumphant gleam in her eye.
Whatever floats your boat
I remember once when I used to manage a department in Walmart on Black Friday there was this plastic kayak for like a really low price with the oars and everything.
Some guy got in the kayak while scooting himself through aisle with the oars just tossing stuff onto it.
Was pretty funny. I didn't tell him anything cuz, well, it made me laugh.
'Why not Wi-Fi?
I stood behind a lady at Target who was returning a newly bought iPad. She was livid because her iPad wasn't charging. She claimed that the tablet had [a] Wi-Fi connection to the store, and it wasn't charging like it was supposed to.
She was told that the cord [that] came with it was the only way to charge it.
She balked at the statement and adamantly said that since it's hooked up to Target's free Wi-Fi, it should be charging. Sadly, this is not the case ...
Sad to think she thought Wi-Fi charged her iPad.
The pain in the glass
One woman thought that it was a good idea to break the glass on the game display case to get to the games rather than asking for me to unlock them.
As she cradled her bloodied elbow and forearm, she yelled at me for not using tempered glass.
Sorry lady, [I] didn't realize that someone would be using their arm as a battering ram on my cabinets.
She wasn't ready to be 'paid forward'
A woman I was working with was at Best Buy waiting in line on Black Friday. There was a gentlemen in line, two people in front of her. He tells the cashier he will pay for the next two people in line's items.
The guy in front of her had like a big screen TV and a few other items. She only had a Celine Dion CD. Why only a Celine Dion CD? Who knows.
Turns out the person who said he would pay for the items was Chad Johnson. Former Cincinnati Bengals wide receiver.
The man's microwave maneuver
On Black Friday at ASDA (British Walmart) there were these microwaves like 70% off, and the store ... was so busy you couldn't move.
There were empty shelves all along the aisle up to these microwaves, and a guy laid down on the shelf and army-crawled along the shelves, grabbed a microwave and army-crawled back with it.
Mother of the Year
[I] worked at Walmart and there weren't anymore shopping carts. [I] saw a man lift a car seat with a baby in it out of the shopping cart and leave said baby in the middle of the aisle while Mom was busy trying to get $5 DVDs.
I'm watching as this goes down, and I pick up the car seat with the baby and tell the mom what happened. Do I get a "thank you"? NO!! She proceeds to yell at me for touching her kid and letting the man steal her cart!
... I just walked away as she continued yelling and digging through the DVD bin.
Grandma's got game
[I] worked at Walmart during college a few years back. Because Walmart keeps the store open, unlike say Target or other stores, we are setting up the merchandise right in front of the customers, it's literally like setting up a buffet in front of hungry bears or something...
We opened up the display for the board games. This old lady, I'm talking maybe in her 80s, had two empty carts, and when we opened it up she grabbed as many as she could fit in the two baskets ...
A pet store near a store I used to work at caught a lady on Black Friday trying to smuggle a lizard out of the store by sticking it down her pants.
... I believe that this must be a common idiot's way of trying to steal stuff. In their pants.
The Black Friday blues
I worked at a Toys R Us. While I was walking around to find people that need help, I found this guy in a corner covering his face and crying his eyes out.
When I asked him if he needed help with something, he just kept saying "I just want to go home... I just want to go home..."
He looked to be about 50 years old.
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